bender

it's goddamn 6 in the morning.
why?

why do i stay up all night and sleep in the afternoon after class
i miss seeing my friends
i miss when things are open and happenin'

i'll tell you why
i am fucking ignorant
i don't think before i act, and i don't give a fuck about anything

if anything works out in my life, its because i got lucky
that, or perhaps somewhere in my brain there is a desire to pursue it
those feeling are purely subliminal, though

anyway, my beard's growing in pretty nice now
it's gonna look pretty high school-ish for awhile now, but thats ok
it's not like i have a girlfriend

speaking of which, i don't know why, but i have a desire for a serious relationship now
i'm trying (deeply) to stifle this, but i can't help but feel like there is a girl for me out there
it's creepy
i really don't like thinking like that
i mean, i keep thinking that, and then, like 5 months later, i'm like,
"that was a mistake, i'm not ready"
then as soon as i'm over it, i'm right back where i was

anyway, gotta sleep, i guess
class tomorrow
fun fun fun fun fun

p.s. to the girl in my creative writing class

stop fucking with me
i hear you smugly mocking me and acting superior
fuck that
i also see you hitting on me (not as subtle as you planned?)
anyway, if you think i'm a dick, stop talking
nobody is listening
if you're interested in me, subtly insulting me will get you nowhere
also, you're not hot enough to be as big of an asshole as you are
cut that shit out


i have emotional problems
-Jizzy T