blonde brunet

i have a job interview tomorrow.

today i spoke to "Mark" on the phone over at ENVIRONMENT CONNECTICUT.

they're an activist organization who try to get people involved in environmental issues and legislation. seems like a pretty legit place. decent pay, hopefully. 

also: it's within biking distance.

since this is the first real interview i have had in awhile, i have decided to clean myself up a bit.

the blonde is going. as i type, my hair is dying back to its natural colour. it's for the best.

i think i'm going to wear a flannel button-down.

maybe i'll shave.

it's hard to tell what to do, because they seem like a liberal place, and i want to appeal to that. on the other hand, though, i don't want to look like a total fucker.

either way, changes are sweeping my nation.

-Jizzy T

no future

Snowflakes of dust fell gently. We were just staring at each other. The filtered light revealed everything. Her bottom lip curled, and she wiped her nose. I touched my face nervously. I thought I could hear a flute. Her bags were packed, and the room was naked. The dust traced out every little memory. Each little picture frame. Every letter from her mother. A vase. The towers of books that once looked down upon us. No one moved. Nothing moved. I told her I loved her. I touched my face again. She knew I didn't mean it. I felt ancient. She was so young and ugly. Ugly like the clouds outside. At least, I thought there were clouds.

She told me she wanted things the way they were before. I wanted it to stay like this forever. I wanted to plead with her even though I knew she was leaving. I was an actor in the grand drama and I knew my lines perfectly. She turned around, and I wanted to wink at the audience. I touched her shoulder and whispered one more lie into her ear. Something about how beautiful she looked. She shrugged and took another step. The audience drew hesitant breath. The critics were scribbling something. I cried. Not for her, but for the moment. I knew it would surely be over soon. I would take a bow, drink my champagne, and listen to the applause.

The door slammed and the curtains fell. There would be no second performance. The actors would leave and return home. The would return to their wife, Uncertainty. Her beauty has long since faded. They cannot even remember the day they met, on that long trip away from home. She seemed exotic back then. They can't love her now. She's taken their youth. Now they wait for their moment to become someone else. Something else.

I turned back to my empty apartment. Everything was in harmony. The booze-stained carpet. The crumbling ceiling. I sat in the only chair left, and wiped the sweat off of my face. I would never act again. I wasted my youth pretending I didn't see the stage. I poured a glass of champagne and smiled. For once, I didn't know my lines. I waited for the applause, but it never came.

optimism

leefers....hey...how you been? (i feel awkward without a rhetorical introduction)

i've been pretty damn fantastic.

lemme do a jizz-span news feed.

• GPA CLAWING IT'S WAY BACK INTO GOOD STANDING
• APARTMENT NIGHTMARE COMING TO A CLOSE
• ECONOMIC TROUBLES MAY BE OVER: EMPLOYMENT LIKELY
• BAND NEWS: WE GOT ONE SONG MAYBE/ANDERS FIXED BASS
• WORKING ON COMIC FOR SCHOOL PAPER: THEY WILL PAY ME
• BOUGHT A POLAROID CAMERA FINALLY/FILM FOR IT COSTS A FORTUNE
• RENEWED OLD FRIENDSHIPS/GOT A DATE MAYBE
• MONO PANDEMIC REPORTED AS "OVER."
  

there's also some bad news

• I'M GETTING KINDA FAT: EXERCISE BAILOUT REQUESTED
• BECOMING INTENSELY MORE AWARE THAT I AM ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE: EXISTENTIAL BAILOUT REQUESTED
• STILL PRETTY POOR FOR THE MOMENT: C.R.E.A.M. BAILOUT REQUESTED
• I MAY HAVE TO LIVE IN THOMASTON FOR THE SUMMER: HANDGUN BAILOUT REQUESTED
• TORRENTS KILLING MY BROWSING SPEED: BANDWIDTH BAILOUT REQUESTED

you up to speed?

-Jizzy T

barkley: shut up and jam: gaiden

this may be the greatest thing i have ever seen.

you can find a free download HERE.

i do not know what is so bizzare about charles barkley.

all i know is...

he was in space jam.

synecdoche, new york

i watched it tonight.

I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS MOVIE TO ANYONE

it is really good though.

let me explain.

this movie is fucking depressing. so. fucking. depressing.

literally, if i were not on such solid mental ground, i could've lost it.

seriously. lost it.

however, if you want to truly test whether you can face the horrible, horrible, truth of reality, watch this movie.

s'good.

ALSO: phillip seymour hoffman fucks mad bitches in this movie. 

(while crying.)

-Jizzy T

home/sun dick

i'm at central right now.

we are drinking and listening to "the new pornographers."

i'm not drunk.

people were playing a casiotone, but i stopped them.

right now i am on the job search and in the meantime, a vagrant.

and by a vagrant, i mean a drunkard.

maybe i'll play oblivion. later.

ALSO: ahnaf is wrong.

scarlett johansson is hotter.

-Jizzy T

coup d'etat

the circle jerks are really great.

they are my favorite hardcore punk band.

they we in the movie repo man.

so was emilio estevez.

so yeah.

in west hartford for the moment.

looking for a job.

thinking about turning to a life of crime.

sounds pretty good.

also, lots of band practice.

not much else to do when you're unemployed.

leefers, i love you.

-Jizzy T

description of a random uconn student: episode two

this random student was spotted outside of my building in south.

dining hall side.

i was smoking, and i saw him stumble around the corner.

he was wearing a black polo, the kind you see someone wear at an electronics store.

he had a matching messenger bag, that was oriented behind him, kind of like a backpack.

but with one strap.

his pants were either cargo shorts intentionally frayed to look like cutoffs.

or they were actual cutoffs. and sandals.

he approached another group of people, that he presumably knew, and started yelling.

another large bro-ish type shook his fist in the air at him.

a girl in a blue track jacket got between them and "held them back."

they struggled towards each other for a few minutes, shouting obscenities, and then disengaged.

i called out "dance-fight!" mockingly, but to my amusement, they began breaking out the most white bread dance moves in their repertoire.

the shopping cart.

the sprinkler.

"crunk-ing."

the list goes on...

after their dance-fight, they hugged each other and everyone else, and then gave me a "high-five."

i took a long drag on my cigarette, blew out the smoke slowly and whispered, "rock on, bro...rock on."

oh, and he had a final tomorrow.

-Jizzy T

why don't you just shut up?

"madness seeks out a lover"

thats from a velvet underground song.

my favorite one.

i'm growing tired of electronica. it's...something...

i don't know.

acoustic music is so much more personal.

and these days, i'm tired of impersonal shit.

fuck the internet.

EDIT: and also fuck nilla and your damn facebook.

-Jizzy T

description of a random uconn student: episode one

today's subject is a guy i saw while walking to my stat exam today.

he was of average height and weight. normal build.

he was wearing a white t-shirt that bore the words "LOVE COLLEGE."

blue basketball shorts, athletic shoes.

i'm not sure if he was coming from the gym, or just chose an athletically-themed outfit.

the shirt i cannot explain.

is he asking me to love college?

is he attending a "love" college?

i do not know.

i only know what i saw.

-Jizzy T

finally

these has been the best few nights that i've had in a long time.

i studied with some new pals. actually studied.

but it was awesome just sitting down, drinking tea and getting to know someone you've never met before.

i've also been trying to get into different kinds of music.

recently a friend recommended bonnie "prince" billy.

i like it and want to listen to more non-rock-type music.

so, uh, feel free to recommend.

in the, uh, complaints section down there.

and another thing...

right now i'm listening to the mamas & the papas with john and eating a cookie.

it is four in the fucking morning.

when will i learn, leefers?

send me some loving

-Jizzy T

people you hate

i'm getting over mono. every day i feel less tired.

keeping that in mind, i still have finals week to worry about.

this post was inspired by a less-than-inspired conversation i had with someone.

it's about people that you hate.

sometimes people are assholes. rude. anti-social. offensive. boring.

you are disgusted, angry, and usually disappointed.

but why?

you think, "why can't we just...get along?"

because they have chosen to be assholes.

there's no point in imagining a world where everyone gets along.

and though you may feel bad when you are surrounded by people you can't (or ever could) relate to, good people do exist.

and they may seem unlikely.

but they're there.

i guess the point i'm trying to make is, don't compromise, because no one want to please you. no one wants to impress you. no one wants to love you. people are just the way they are. and if you're lucky enough to find some you want to be around: good.

because you won't want to end up 40 years older and browsing craigslist before your guild's raid on WoW.

of course, some people just want to fuck you.

-Jizzy T

P.S. new layout. new layout. new layout. wat'chu think leefies?

red medicine

i found out yesterday that i have mononucleosis.

it's the worst virus.

there is nothing you can take to get better, and the main symptom is fatigue.

fucking fatigue.

i'm tired all the time and there's nothing i can do about it.

i'm tired, but it's also really hard to get to sleep.

good news: i CAN get out of exams if i need to.

well, shit.

last night, pete, anders, and myself recorded some EP bullshit and then had a sleepover.

we watched mystery men. (it has william h. macy in it.)

today i applied for jobs.

i hope i get them.

craigslist is NOT a good place to find jobs, by the way.

99% of everything on that website is some kind of solicitation of money or sex.

sometimes both.

planning for the summer has become a daunting task.

daunting.

daunting.

it makes finals week look like a skip in the flowers.

i have no idea how i will get money and not be miserable.

i may be planning a vacation to a mansion.

leefers, this could be big. ask me about it.

well, i have taken my nightly nyquil, and am off to bed.

i will read until i pass out.

have a better evening than me, leefers.

I DARE YOU

-Jizzy T

feeling better & American Apparel hires porn stars

i feel better.

i still sound and look pretty sick, but i feel the best i've felt in days.

maybe it's all the drugs.

still going to the infirmary tomorrow to assess the situation.

i must know what is killing me.

in other news

American Apparel hires porn stars.

this is one of their models, "Jillian."

she also goes by another name.

Faye Reagan.

she's a porn star.

this may explain why their ads are always so sexual.

and also.

let me clarify that i am not against porn stars or porn. 

it's awesome.

i watch porn all the time.

but when you need to hire porn stars because your ads are so sexual.

well, then...fuck you.

i think american apparel is a fine establishment with lots of overpriced hipster crap.

i have never spent a cent there.

but someone does, because porn stars don't work cheap.

but above all, if you were looking for this chick naked.

now you know where to look.

the same place you look to find anyone naked.

(the internet)

-Jizzy T