greetings!

tonight i may pull off a brilliant all nighter.

this (of course) is a horrible idea, but i may have 2 co-conspirators and i'm too hungry to sleep anyway.

so there.

hurumf.

so in the realm of the awesome, 40 Fingers released a single today (or something) and thats just cool.

40 Fingers is a side project of the other 2 members of HAND?

they are good. check em.

the ever thoughtful JWET purchased a publication of poetry for my birthday.

it's quite good.

i may even read it after this post.

WHO KNOWS.

i am deeply upset that i missed The Bridal Shower concert monday. it was disappointing that i couldn't go, but i have no transportation.

i'm sure that it was awesome, though.

my hobo pal katie is sleeping on our couch this evening.

she has no home.

it's kinda pathetic. (pretty fucking pathetic)

halloween is coming.

i want to dress up, but that depends on my success at the mall tomorrow.

wish me luck, bitches.

MOAR MUSIC

A MOVIE?

end post

i fucking love sonic youth

-Jizzy T

we showed you

the HAND? show was a wild success, what with the umbiqious last-minute setlist alterations and pre-meditated nudity. yeah.

keep one eye out for more shows in the future, and expect us to appear randomly in towns near you. it won't be pretty.

back to school after doing non-scholastics all weekend was a harsh awakening.

this afternoon naps were taken, so i think i might be up until the later hours tonight.

the weather has been harsh on my frail body.

hot/cold extremes have me feeling quite feverish. 

and not in a good way.

also, never date a clone of your ex-girlfriend.

BAD CHOICE.

don't have much on the mind right now, which is a good thing.

i'm tired of worrying that i'm not worrying enough.

should i be worrying?

oh dear.

recently i been getting into some really great beers.

check out these brewing companies

THIS ONE.

THAT ONE.

see all the nice things that i give you?

without any thanks.

you ungrateful asses.

another treat for you.

power metal.

for you all to enjoy.

i've been super forgetful lately, so if you don't hear from me, make sure that i'm not drooling in the corner of my room or something.

i wouldn't want that.

also, potential album art.

thoughts?

stop that! it tickles!

-Jizzy T

white whale, holy grail

captain ahab

anyway, i have returning to HOME, and thats where this post is being written from.
i love being home, and i love spending time with my family, but i can't shake this feeling that my real home is at uconn. i just feel...
out of place
here

regardless, i can't fucking wait to play tomorrow.
(if you don't know what i'm talking about...fuck you)
but at the same time i'm kinda nerved up.
fuck it, let's rock.

i got MANY MANY drunk dials tonight, and almost all of them included these things...

1. absurd requests to come and "party with me"
2. commentary on how i'm a (insert expletive) for not being at the party
3. hazy wishes of happy birthday. (it's my birthday)
4. apologizes for #1 and 2
5. detailed descriptions of what they were drinking, and how much.
6. having a side-conversation with me on the line / handing the phone to someone else.
7. hasty, random goodbyes.

i have nothing to say about drunk dialing.
but i do have a list of new cocktails you can try (at your own risk)

THE FORTE
1 parts vodka
2 parts pineapple soda
-drink out of a plastic waterbottle is possible.

THE NILLA
1 parts jagermeister
1 parts dubra
-take shot, writhe in agony, repeat.

THE JIZZY TEA
1 parts arizona Rx energy herbal tonic
1 parts vodka
-perfect for late night studying.

thats all for now. (credit to forte and nilla respectively)

i gotta get some sleep if i want to play a show tomorrow, so have a fun weekend, and to the leefers who are coming to the show:

clothing optional
-Jizzy T

paranoid insomniac goes for a walk

Smoke obscures my vision,

as I force myself not to turn around

Fists clench as cold sweat traces routes down my face

I draw on the cigarette and its glow reveals trembling fingers

How can you be sure you’re really alone?

Pupils pinched in the corners of my eyes

Each breath is a test of restraint

My head spinning, I try again to rationalize

What is the fear of fear?

Wind obscures the music of movement

At the end of my limb, a clock.

Burning down

But still too long to stifle my imagination

Gravel grinds under my heels

I face the background once more

For a moment, my mind relaxes

Streetlights hiss endlessly, basking in omnipotence

Weathered wood creaks and caresses my neck

My mind still barks orders

(A battered lonely madman)

My body rebels

(A smiling glutton)

Eyelids collapse and I am awash in memory

Outlaw moments fill my head, vying for attention

I won’t let the bad ones win

I’m God tonight

For once, I’m not empty

Introduce these thoughts to order

Like many, my reign ends in fire

The hot, smug renegade dies below me

My mortal mind awakens

I’m reminded quickly of my worldly troubles

My freedom is gone

It becomes just another empty bottle

the living dead

she greets me, home

intangible, inert

and restless.

“free me, into the Lord’s embrace”

I won’t

 

these are not your words

“wipe her mouth”

my body moves and I gasp at the sight

her eyes. like wells

empty and wanting

 

a noise! and I quiver

shivering, shaking

she remains still

“wipe her mouth”

quivering hand and dancing cloth

 

my palms bore into my eyes

the humming of the machine

“well then, thats enough”

curse my fate!

“no”

 

jaw clenched I face frozen terror

muscles burn in agony

dilated pupils meet

my lips mouth her name

I look into the eyes of the living dead

bad poetry, oh noetry

lemme tell ya

alice glass is the hottest woman alive (or dead)

(edit: props Nilla)

anyway, i've been listeing to alot of new music lately.

not gunna spill the beans to you leefers right now, though.

also, i have 2 weeks before i have mono!

YEAH!

AWESOME!

thx moose poose <3

HAND? SHOW COMING UP

THAT IS ALL

sorry about the CAPS.

no more in this post.

not one more.

i jammed on my new djembe with jason (of headgun) and his nylon-string baby.

we played outside at 1:30 in the morning and attracted one fan, and one enemy.

the fan came outside and sat and listened.

the enemy yelled at us from the 4th floor window.

who had more balls?

so maybe tomorrow we'll take our art to the union and busk a bit.

depends on the weather and my mood.

arizona rx energy is officially the greatest drink ever made.

(by officially, i meant "according to me")

also, i must say how awesome google blogsearch is.

it allows me to search for obscure music downloads, that i would have never found otherwise.

eh, whatever.

we're all sucking google's dick right now.

(google owns blogger, which is the website that hosts this blog fyi)

so, theres no need to say how awesome google is, they already know when you're thinking it.

never without an opinion on the matter, here is what i think of the google empire.

among free-ware, they reign supreme.

if they make google talk better than pidgin, and buy facebook, they'll own the internet.

other companies: observe google's business model.

they stick a finger in everything, while still retaining thier original appeal: that they have a fucking great search engine. so simply follow these steps...

1. get good at something

2. try something else

3. get good at other thing

4. repeat steps 2 & 3

thats it (thank you chaung-tzu)

my room mate and butt-pal john started a blog.

it's good. read it.

in the next 3 days i'll be doing a beafleef special posts!!!

im posting a poem a day for three days.

these are just poems that i wrote for a creative writing class, but someone suggested i post them, and i'm inclined to agree with them.

so, hopefully i'll remember to post them once a day. it may sound easy to post one post a day. try it, motherfucker. try it.

no class tomorrow. for me. you all still have class. clear? crystal.

-Jizzy T

cum all ye faithful

weekends, are they good for you????????????

well, this weekend i went home

there were some reasons for this

1. to see my family (whom i have not seen since my departure to university)

2. to practice for HAND? (come to our show)

3. to receive treatment for head trama (spend one weekend NOT drunk)

4. TO SEE MOTHERFUCKING HEADGUN IN CONCERT (hell yeah)

so, yesterday, i had practice, and that went well. i wasn't sure if HAND? was going to come together before the show. it looks like we will come through.

like we always do.

after that, i went party-hopping with anders.

it was fun, but none of the parties were fun.

or really parties.

i guess i could've just said that i was hanging out with anders.

today, i woke up and went and bought a djembe.

it's fucking awesome.

nuff said.

after that, i had a get together with my family, which was fun, but also revealed that my family just does the same things over and over again. and they are very fucking boring.

so now i sit here with anders, not doing much

i plead to you.

entertain anders at CCSU

he's lonely on the weekends

unless he's at uconn.

in which case.......come to uconn, i guess.

gonna make this ANOTHER short one, but i have things to not do tonight.

like blogging.

so i'm going back to uconn tomorrow night, and if you have a problem with that...fuck you

also, if you read my blog, you should become an official leefer (see sidepanel-ly thingy ---->)

it comes with the benefit of me knowing that somebody loves me.

and thats more than nothing.

theres a ghost in the trees, he's smiling at you, and you don't know why...

-Jizzy T

study party

WHERE MY LEEFERS AT???

oh, right here.

i had a "party" tonight.

it was supposed to be an "emo study party" where we listened to emo music while we studied. quickly the emo music changed, and i finished my reading. result: drinking.

so first there were beers, then we moved to jungle juice, and then the pong table came out.

damn it all.

there were many guest appearances (thank you faithful friends of jizzy!) and they soon left, with my roommate and myself buzzed and with not much to do.

i'm now listening to an AWESOME BAND and just trying to get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. that will be a feat if i manage to do it.

i can't handle the awesomeness my life right now.

HAND?......this blog......the list goes on.

anyway, it's gonna be a short one tonight, leefers.

stay tuned, though, you might see a video soon.

i don't know for sure yet.

found a body

-Jizzy T

blogs and booze

here we are, leefers.

here we fucking are.

last night i had a party that was intended to be a fun night with friends that i don't usually see.

i'm not going into detail about what happened, but it seems like every time i party i make a new friend, and lose an old friend. Not good. Not too fucking good.

how come when "the devil made me do it" you don't get in trouble, but when "i followed the word of the lord" you are praised?

shit wasn't you

start pointing fingers at deities

that'll work out niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice

anyWAY HAND? RECORDING THIS WEEKEND

DON'T TRY AND CONTACT ME

EXCEPT VIA PIZZA BAGELS

(THAT MEANS YOU CINDY. FOR THE LAST TIME, I CAN"T COME TO YOUR GODDAMNED PARTY.)

MAD people be getting the blog-fever.

love it.

recently, i'm feeling very accepted by society and my friends.

it's kinda invigorating. like a dip in the hot spring.

still searching for a identity, but i think it's a work in progress.

speaking of hair, i got a haircut the other day.

kelly l. gave me a beautiful asymmetrical haircut.

symmetry is for pussies.

rejoice! winter is cumming!

my birthday is cumming! (oct 25th. fuck fuck fuck please don't get me anything)

ugh.

just gonna say this...

know who loves you.

because nobody really tells you that they love you.

it wouldn't be fun if it was easy.

also, sorry for the lack of posts.

i've been busy. PHILOSOPHY MAJORLY BUSY.

you know.

i'll try to give you guys XXX-tra love in the near future.

hey, been trying to meet you

-Jizzy T

well well well well well

this is interesting

it seems like more and more people are getting blogs

and i continue to link to them

in the...side...panel...thing --------->

im sorry for breaking the forth wall for a second there

i try to write these like a one sided conversation as much as possible

got up, went to class today

thats an accomplishment

learned about jesus

it was good

i'm currently being serenaded by jason stickney, of the band headgun

have i linked to them before?

oh well

they have a show coming up, and you should all attend

i'll be there

that should really be reason enough

enough about my own awesomeness

more about my own awesomeness

today i played some rock band 2

it was good

its a fun game

but thats all it is

gonna go to store 24 soon

store 2-4 (pronounced two-four) is a big part of my life

i go there often late at night

to get food, tobacco, sammiches, you know

SOMETIMES

i don't get anything

but thats not very often

recently people have been video blogging

i'm not sure how i feel about it

first of all

you're at the mercy of youtube.com, which is a terrible, evil master

ALSO

there is a certain...je ne sais pas? about typed blogs

i like it

but don't be surpised if you see me vlogging in the near future

also, i don't have a goddamn mac

so no camera

but my roommate john has a webcam

so the reason i haven't vlogged: apathy

there you go

anyway, i have things to do

things to smoke

so i'll let you go early today, leefers

be back tomorrow for summore hearty loving

today, spit on a dog's face (clint eastwood did it)

-Jizzy T

angst: what can it do for me?

this blog will begin after this cigarette

(imagine a 5 minute pause here)

ok

to preface this blog, please read this ----------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is important for understanding most of my posts

use it as a guide, if need be

but also be aware that i will not tell you if i'm being serious or not

that's part of the fun

angst

you know what angst is

don't you?

anyway, i'm a HUGE fan of angst

here's why

#1. it makes you look emotional

some people are incapable of emotions

angst is an easy emotion to fake

people lacking a personality -------> interesting introspective person

#2. chicks dig it

what's better than lowering your self-esteem to make chicks want you?

(answer: lowering theirs)

angst does both

#3. hipsters dig it

it's easy to call yourself a "artist" when you are in a permanent emotional struggle

also, being a hipster leaves you empty and fake

KEY ingredients to being angsty

#4. it's easy

nobody wants to TRY to fit in

take your frustration with society and your life

convert to angst

other angsty people will flock to you

problem solved (?)

thats pretty much all for now

but...my pal ryxxui (not real name) is having trouble with linux

all i have to say is

I GOT 99 PROBLEMS, BUT LINUX AIN'T ONE

get angsty, leefers

-Jizzy T

OH! sweet nothing

i feel so fucking vindicated today.

i don't really know why.

i think it may be because i was listening to one of my favorite bands.

the night didn't start like that.

so, i pulled an all-nighter last night writing poems and doing other assorted work. as you can imagine, i was very tired this afternoon. i slept for a few hours, woke up, went to stop & shop, came back, and went to sleep again.

its about 9 pm now.

call some friends, you know, try to get the party started...

nobody really wants to hang out with me.

i go to the union to meet some people, they left, i came back, and watched forgetting sarah marshall. (not a bad movie, not good either.)

got a sandwich, and ate it in the art building illegally with my good time buddy and roommate, justin. 

we headed back, turned on the velvet underground, and at two fucking thirty in the morning, i open my first and only beer of the night.

as i sat in the living room, with the distorted guitars singing, watching justin fall asleep in his chair, i realized that the night was not a complete waste.

i just smiled and sipped on my pabst.

learn to find the simple pleasures in life, leefers.

'cause guess what? people aren't that great.

they love you one day, hate you the next, and forget about you the third.

its almost five in the morning, and im going to have a cigarette before bed.

be good leefers

if you love me, gimme a call

if you hate me, gimme a call

if you don't know me, you're lucky i guess

-Jizzy T

house of nudes

house of nudes

good name for a strip club

just saying

getting to the good stuff, my insomnia is catching up with me, I was up till 5-6 last night and I didn't wake up this morning.

missed class.

not good.

gotta study for exam friday.

not going to be hard, but may very well ruin my thurday night.

dammit, i won't let it!

in an attempt to save myself from this fate, i tried to have a party tonight.

got some booze for meself, started making calls.

everyone else had an exam thurday, or a paper due.

my plan was destroyed.

luckily, i had plan "b"

hehehehe

PLAN B: get drunk by myself and then yell at people over the internet/phone

mission accomplished

drank some beers.

got kinda buzzed.

got kinda hungry.

i mentioned that my drunk ass was heading over to subway, and my luck finally kicked in.

some hub pals were happy to accompany me.

they were also happy to have me go into thier building and yell at people in the hallway and offer them cigarettes, food, and drinks.

long (boring) story short: got drunk, yelled at people

yeah.

good way to spend a wednesday night.

pretty much caught up in all my work for my classes, which is good.

the only things looming are the aforementioned exam, and i gotta write a poem for friday.

my creative writing class.

3 people who really annoy me

#1. Mr. "I've read poetry before, allow me to namedrop furiously."

#1 is an annoying dude.

i really hate namedropping without the knowledge to back it up.

dude can name shitloads of authors and poems, but he cant write for shit, and half the time, doesn't show up for class. 

fuck em.

#2. Miss. "I know nothing of poetry, but I use wikipedia and asskissing to attempt to get an "A" and make everyone else look like shit."

#2 is equally annoying.

shes hot, which makes me even more mad when she spews some bullshit interpretation that she got off the internet.

she also hands in work DAYS in advance, and makes literally the entire class look like fuck ups.

our TA has mentioned this several times in class.

again, this person's poetry reflects their personality: shitty.

fuck em.

#3. Mr. "i'm taking this class as a gen-ed, so i'm going to intentionally write shitty poetry and add nothing to class discussion. all i need is a passing grade in this shit."

#3 is by far my favorite of the three.

although he may clog up discussion and workshop with his apathy, most of the time i don't have to deal with his shitty attitude.

he also writes doo-doo poetry, but so utterly unlikable, it makes mine look awesome by comparison. keep it up #3.

i take that back.

fuck em.

that may have been a harsh rant, but in a class setting like that, dealing with these annoying people have driven me to the brink of insanity.

literally.

to the brink.

need more tobacco, and heres your treat for being sooooooo super good

MUSIC

ah, dammit

shame on a leefer who tries to run game on a leefer

-Jizzy T